My husband and I were fortunate enough to fall pregnant with our first child reasonably quickly and hassle-free.
When we started to consider expanding our family even further, it never even occurred to us we may experience issues. You just, sort of, assume it's your God-given right to bear children, it will just happen when and where you decide.
We never thought it’d take 5 years to fall pregnant again. Everywhere I looked there were pregnant women, and people would always ask James and me “when will you have your next, don’t leave it too late, why such a big gap?” It was tiring but they had no idea so we never held a grudge.
There are so many words I could use to describe what that roller coaster ride was like, but the standouts would have to be heart-wrenching, draining, confusing, lonely and frustrating.
Heart-wrenching, because you so so so desperately want something that you seem to have little control over getting, but feels like every other woman in the world gets so easily.
Draining, because the emotions you go through are exhausting, and the drugs that you take through fertility treatment make it worse.
Confusing. We never seemed to understand why we couldn’t fall pregnant. I have PCOS but when I asked if that was the cause of it, the response was often “maybe.. but maybe not”.
When my son was 6 months old, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. When we enquired if the treatment he had from that could be a contributing factor.. “maybe.. but maybe not”. ARGH!
All the tests we did came up with nothing conclusive. Nothing.
Then why were we having so much trouble? No one could help us work it out. We desperately wanted to find something that could be ‘fixed’ and just help us conceive.
And lonely, because it felt like no one understood what I was going through.
People could empathise, but it never felt like anyone could ever truly sympathise. My cousin wrote a book called, ‘If at first, you don’t conceive’. That book really helped me feel better about how I was feeling, that it really is hard and it confirmed that I wasn’t just being ‘Emo’.
We are a close family, and strangely we never really spoke about it until about a month ago and I told her how it helped me. I also spoke to a friend from work about her IVF treatment which helped me immensely. It feels like such a load is being lifted when you are able to discuss this stuff with other women who can relate!
Frustrating, because it felt like every time we got some good news, it ended with bad news. It was tough not knowing what was next.
4 rounds of IVF, 3 different clinics and a pregnancy loss
We went through 4 rounds of IVF, at 3 different IVF clinics. We ended up at Genea with the most amazing Dr! If I hadn’t spoken to a girl from work who randomly bought up she went through IVF (and said she’s not sure why she shared that as she doesn’t often), I never would have found the Dr who eventually gave us baby.
Throughout IVF, you are trying these new drugs and have no idea how you, your emotions or your body will react. I lost a lot of hair, but it took me a while to realise what was causing it.
My husband and I fell pregnant after about 4 years, but unfortunately at the 8-week scan, there was no heartbeat. I knew I would miscarry but had no idea what to expect. I got my period, and after a few days of it being here, I had assumed that it was pretty much done as it started to slow down.
I mistakenly went to work and that’s when I miscarried. It was a horrid experience.
We got our miracle baby
Throughout the 5 years of our infertility journey, it was tough….really tough.
But whenever I had the opportunity to talk to someone who I knew would truly understand what I was going through, it was always comforting. It reassured me that my feelings were normal, and it gave me the strength to keep going.
After 5 years of trying, we fell pregnant with my daughter, Bronte. She’s our little angel.
The infertility process sucks balls massively, but it’s worth the fight.
Share and talk with others that are going through a similar experience, it truly helps. Even if it’s just to talk about what to expect when going through fertility treatments.
I wish everyone all the best in their fertility journey xx
Nicole is sharing her story from Australia. Thank you for sharing x Emma & Lynette
Join the movement and share your story.
Comments