Lena's story: The Long Road to Baby Number 2

At 31 my husband and I got pregnant with our first child after only 4 short months of trying (which at the time felt like a lifetime, if only I had known what my future health would look like). I was in pregnancy bliss. I had a fairly carefree pregnancy and health-wise everything looked really good.

Our beautiful baby girl was born and we were captivated by all things Isla. When she was only 8 months old we decided to move to Stockholm, Sweden (my husband transferred for work) leaving behind our little nest of certainty in Vancouver to explore a new world just the three of us (plus our amazing dog Henry). My husband started work right away and Isla and I were left to explore a new city/culture and language together. It was a very quiet and slightly lonely first year in Sweden as we really didn’t know anyone, but we had each other and that’s all that mattered.

Lena's daughter sitting on a log beside her little brother sitting on the grass.

The most traumatic experience I've ever had

Fast forward to December 2016 and I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with baby number two. I was nervous but excited but not totally ready to become a mum for a second time (Isla was a very busy toddler) just yet as I was just starting to get into a groove with work and our new life in Stockholm, but I sucked it up and put on a happy face as I told my husband the news. We were excited to start the next journey in parenthood.

In January 2017 I started to spot and I had this little voice in my head saying “your not pregnant anymore” but I stayed positive and went to see the doctor. They proceeded to tell me it was too early to hear a heartbeat and everything is probably fine but to watch for any other symptoms for the next two weeks. So for two weeks, I was an utter mess. It’s something I wish on no woman ever. Having to wait to see if your baby is viable is horrible. I kept spotting and must have been back and forth to the hospital like five times. Every time they would send me home and tell me I needed to wait.

Finally, I got to see the doctor and they confirmed there was no heartbeat and the pregnancy was no longer viable. I was devastated but somewhat relieved as the nightmare could now end. She gave me the pills to go home and take and told me that it would take a few days to release the fetus. So I went home and waited and sure enough, it took pretty quickly and I thought after a few days it was all gone.

The following Monday I was getting ready for work and getting Isla ready for preschool when I started bleeding heavily. So heavily it wouldn’t stop. I will never forget lying on the cold floor in the bathroom crying so hard and I was so scared and at that moment my beautiful little girl opened the door and saw me that way with so much fear in her eyes.

She should have not had to see me that way, something I will never be able to forget.

My husband put me in a cab after the bleeding slowed down (we didn’t have a car at the time) and I went to the hospital. As soon as I got to the gynecology department the flood gates opened and they rushed me in to see the doctor and confirmed some of the placenta hadn’t released and I was hemorrhaging.

They prepped me for surgery immediately and I briefly got to say a quick goodbye to my husband not knowing what was really happening and thinking I may never see my family again. The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery ward. I spent the night in the hospital resting and being monitored and then was released home to rest the next day.

It took me a few weeks to get back on my feet and to this day is the most traumatic experience I have ever had.

And now I had to think about trying again.

Trying again after loss

It took some time to think about trying again but we went for it in August 2018. I did all the things that people do when trying to have a baby. After over a year of trying nothing was working and we were exhausted and defeated to say the least, so we decided to talk to a fertility doctor who told me I had irregular ovulation cycles.

So just as we were going to start treatment I somehow got pregnant.

We were so excited and I called to book an appointment. My first appointment was scheduled at 10 weeks which felt like an eternity but everything seemed to be fine and I didn’t have any spotting so we were very optimistic. We couldn’t wait to see the doctor and confirm the good news, unfortunately, it was not good.

He confirmed there was no heartbeat again. We hit rock bottom.

He then referred us to another doctor just to make sure and he also told us there was no heartbeat and we once again went through the process of releasing the life within my body. I was crushed and went into a deep dark hole for a few weeks. Luckily this time around it was quick and easy. Once again we took a few months to regroup and then went back to the drawing board.

He prescribed us a few things that might help the process and in August 2019 I found out I was pregnant again. We were over the moon but again very cautious. I was very quiet those first 12 weeks and went to the doctor at any moment for the slightest ill sensation but we made it past the 12-week mark.

We then made it to the 20week mark and still felt I needed to remain calm and collected as I still thought it was too good to be true (to be honest I remained that way until I gave birth). We found out we were having a boy.

Then the pandemic hit and all shit hit the fan and I stopped working and took my daughter out of preschool to be safe. The last few months was a surreal experience of solo doctors appointments and rarely leaving the house as to not risk anything and lose yet another pregnancy. But our beautiful baby boy, our ray of sonshine was born May 13th, 2020 and the rest is history.

He is now a crazy toddler who runs circles around us and keeps us on our toes every single moment of every single day but we wouldn’t have it any other way!

Our family is finally complete and we couldn’t be happier.

What's next for Lena and her family?

No more kids as I am nearly 40 and just can’t fathom the potential loss again but as long as this road has been to get to baby number two, I wouldn’t change it for anything as it has shown me how strong I am as a woman and a mother and has changed my life forever.

This is part of my story and my journey to motherhood.